


Once My Flame, Twice My Burn

by neverenough04



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-11
Updated: 2015-06-04
Packaged: 2018-03-30 00:02:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 19,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3915619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neverenough04/pseuds/neverenough04
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After years of pining, Emma and Regina finally accepted the happiness that awaited them. One ridiculous night, Emma throws it all away and desperately needs to make things right. They can't get back together, but they just can't seem to stay apart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Emma stumbled back, knuckles connecting with her jaw with such force, for a moment she wondered if her jaw was dislocated. She rubbed at her face absently, the thought to strike back never entering her mind. She deserved this. Everything that could be served up and more.

“Regina, please,” Emma started, cautiously taking a step closer. It was the wrong move. Regina turned to her, eyes flashing with such pain and anger that Emma flinched. A strangled sob escaped her throat, her whole being mired in the idea that she caused this. It was her fault, all of it.

“Fuck you,” Regina spat, fists still clenched. Emma nervously glanced down at them, unsure if she should expect another blow.

“It was a mistake, the worst mistake I-“

“A _mistake_?” Regina screamed, becoming more unhinged by the second. “Forgetting to pick up your clothes is a _mistake_. Stepping on my toe is a _mistak_ e. Emma, what you have done is _catastrophic_. You made me a promise. You fucking _promised_ me!” Regina yelled again, shoving Emma with every ounce of strength she could muster.

Emma refused to cry out from the searing pain that flooded her body as she connected with Regina’s desk. Her hands immediately went to her back, but she didn’t let out more than a grunt. Her pain meant nothing.

Tears streamed down her face, with no movement to wipe them away. Emma could feel the panic rise in her chest. There was no way out of this. There were no words to make it better, nothing she could say to lessen the pain.

“Get out,” Regina said finally, one hand on her hip and the other on her forehead.

Emma stood stoically, knowing if she walked out that door that would probably be the end. She couldn’t leave this house. As long as they were in the same room, there was still a chance. A small chance, but a chance. And at this point, Emma was clinging to anything, the smallest seed of maybe she could find.

“No. I love you so much, Regina, I can’t-“ Emma tried to meet Regina’s eyes, to silently plead with her for retribution, hit me again, anything. She didn’t know what she could do, but she knew she couldn’t walk out that door.

“ _NO_!” Regina walked right into Emma’s space, their noses nearly touching. “You don’t get to say that to me,” she said, her body heaving. She crouched down, her hands resting on her thighs, trying to regain her breath. Emma cautiously touched her back, not having the impudence to ask her if she was all right. Regina blanched at the contact, and stood up so quickly that Emma was startled. Regina grabbed Emma by her hair, pulling so hard that it hurt, and brought Emma’s lips to her own. Emma immediately clutched on to Regina’s back for dear life, feverishly embracing the kiss, the taste of their lips mingling with tears and devastation. Regina openly sobbed into Emma’s mouth and then pushed her away, savagely.

Regina turned to her table and picked up her almost empty glass of cider and hurled it against the wall. Emma glanced back at the destruction, afraid that if she lost eye contact with Regina for too long that she might just fade away. They were at an impasse; Emma was too afraid to speak and Regina couldn’t.

The silence was finally broken by Regina, with such a calm collection, that Emma shuddered. “Get out of my house,” the warning in her tone unmistakable. Emma’s eyes travelled slowly down to Regina’s hands, where wisps of purple had at last made their appearance. Emma closed her eyes, knowing this was the final straw. Once Regina had pulled out her magic, it was over.

Emma took a deep breath and parted her lips to say something, though she had no idea what. Telling Regina she loved her was not going to do anything but piss her off, saying she was sorry was going to send her into a rage.

A moment later the choice was made for her. Emma found herself standing on Regina’s front porch, dizzy from the teleport, every light in the house suddenly off. A loud sob crawled out of her throat, and while she knew better than to poke the bear, Emma felt that any punishment Regina could possibly dole out would be better than walking away.

“Please,” she choked, the 108 on the door blurred beyond recognition. She banged half-heartedly on the door, knowing it wouldn’t open. “I love you. I need you. Regina, please,” Emma begged, unable to stand any longer. She sunk down to her knees, her head resting against the door, tears pooling on the landing below her. “Please,” she said again, without any inclination of what else she could possibly say.


	2. Chapter 2

**THREE HOURS EARLIER**

 

Emma sat alone at the bar, The Rabbit Hole bustling, but not as busy as it normally was on a Friday night. She toyed with the label on her beer bottle, scratching at the stickiness the glue left behind. Some 80’s soft rock song blared in the background, caterwauling something about the Glory of Love. Emma crinkled her nose, wondering what the hell she was doing there anyway.

Spinning toward the door to get up and go home, Emma stopped suddenly when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Ruby asked, tipping her martini glass to her lips. “I haven’t seen you in ages!”

“Ruby, it’s been like a week,” Emma deadpanned. “I don’t know,” she shrugged. “I think I’m just going to head home.”

“No you’re not,” Ruby sing-songed, waving the bartender over. She motioned for two of something, and rather than argue with her, Emma sat back on her stool. She eyed the shotglass of Cuervo in front of her suspiciously. It had been a long time since she had thrown back tequila shots.

“Ah, what the hell,” she said, and downed the shot. Ruby smiled brightly and did the same, before holding two more fingers up with a pinched look on her face.

Ruby crossed her legs and leaned toward Emma. “So, what’s going on with you? You seem a little out of it tonight,” Ruby asked, sucking on a lime.

Emma tugged at her tank top, suddenly feeling confined. “Nothing, I’m fine,” she waved off, and shot back another round of tequila. “Mostly fine. Just impatient, I guess.”

“With what?”

Emma paused, knowing she this was not something she should be getting into with Ruby. Regina valued her privacy above all else, but the desire and the alcohol were making it difficult for Emma to embrace reason.

“I just…want more. Regina is amazing, don’t get me wrong. I’ve been waiting for this for so long,” Emma sighed, visions of Regina flashing through her mind. “And I know she needs time, I get it. She’s been through so much. But she just seems so fucking distant sometimes. Like there’s this chasm between us and I keep trying to build this bridge, and with every board I put down, she takes one away. It’s just frustrating,” Emma growled, resting her head in her hands.

The door opened, allowing a quick chill to bring Emma to a shiver. She looked over and grumbled as Robin Hood and one of his stupid Merry Men walked in and headed to the pool tables. They held eye contact for a moment too long, though neither smiled.

“I’m not trying to point out the obvious, but Emma, come on. You’re dating the Evil Queen. Did you think it was going to be sunshine and roses? What did you expect?” Ruby tapped the bar, summoning another round.

Emma’s eyes widened at the shotglass placed in front of her. “Ruby, I’m already drunk. We can stop now,” she smiled, pushing the glass toward her friend. “No, of course I didn’t think it was going to be sunshine and roses all the time. From the beginning she told me she needed time, and if I wanted this, that I would have to be patient. So that’s what I’m being… _patient._ ” Without thinking, Emma snatched the glass back and threw down another shot.

Ruby nodded, contemplating. “She has come a long way. But Em, come on. You’re fun, you’re easygoing, and let’s be honest, you’re hot as fuck,” Ruby grinned, cocking an eyebrow. “I just don’t think you knew what you were getting into with this one. She’s beautiful, but holy shit, she must be a handful.”

“Of course I knew what I was getting into. I’ve known Regina a long time, this isn’t my first rodeo with her. She’s worth it,” Emma said, the napkins on the bar starting to multiply. “I have to pee,” she told Ruby unceremoniously, having to steady herself for a minute before making her way to the bathroom.

After relieving herself, Emma stayed seated for a minute with her eyes closed. Clearly, she couldn’t drive herself home, so she was mentally preparing herself for having to walk. She sure as shit wasn’t going to call Regina to come pick her up. She was sloppy drunk, and that wasn’t something she wanted to her to see, at least not now.

Emma finally made her way to the sink, where she washed her hands while looking at her reflection. She shook her head, surprised that she allowed herself to get this intoxicated. She jumped when the door swung open, a flash of red quickly locking the door.

“Maybe you just need something simple,” Ruby breathed heavily into Emma’s ear, suddenly and effectively pinning her against the wall. “Nothing to wonder about, nothing to be afraid of. Someone who wants you, easy as that,” Ruby purred, covering Emma’s mouth with her own. There was nothing sweet about it; it was all tongue, licking and flattening and flicking against Emma’s surprised and partially open lips.

_Maybe I_ do _need something simple,_ Emma thought, still not fully comprehending what she was about to do. She tore at Ruby’s shirt, cupping her breast while Ruby tugged at Emma’s tank top, stretching the fabric until her hands grasped at Emma’s chest, pulling down her bra so that she was completely exposed.

They were kissing and gasping and clawing, but it wasn’t until Emma felt Ruby’s hand slide down into her unbuttoned jeans ( _how did that even happen)_ and slide her finger up the length of her that Emma finally had a moment of clarity.

“ _Stop!”_ she demanded, pushing Ruby away from her. Ruby tripped backwards, catching herself on the hand dryer before she fell onto the floor. “ _What the hell was that?”_ Emma asked, pulling down her shirt and trying desperately to button her pants.

For a moment, panic flashed across Ruby’s face. “I…don’t know. You looked so sad and so empty, and really fucking attractive in that shirt, and I thought that you wanted…”

“You thought that _I_ wanted? No, Ruby, I didn’t fucking want that!” Emma was furious, more at herself than Ruby, but her mind was swimming and spinning, and she didn’t know how to lash out at _herself_ , so it was a whole lot easier to take it out on Ruby.

Realization clouded Ruby’s face, anger taking hold. “Well, you certainly didn’t push me away, _Emma_. So you can get off your high horse, because you easily could have maybe not kissed me back! Or not felt me up, or –“

Emma put her hands up to stop her. “I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking, and I don’t know what the fuck _you_ were thinking. You know I’m with Regina, why would you even _think_ that was ok?” Emma could feel tears stinging her eyes, and she grabbed onto the nearest wall for stability, because she really didn’t need to pass out in the bathroom.

“I told you I don’t know! And your reaction to me didn’t scream stop, or I would have. I’m sorry I approached you, but _again,_ you are a grown up and you didn’t shove me away, so stop fucking making it seem like I took advantage of you!” Ruby was trying to tuck her shirt in unsuccessfully, when she stopped suddenly. “I think I might throw up,” she said calmly, and stumbled into one of the stalls.

Fuzzy, but feeling a lot more sober than she had twenty minutes ago, Emma managed to unlock the bathroom door and find her way out to the fresh air. She hadn’t paid her bill, but fuck it, either Ruby could pay it or she’d come back tomorrow and sort it out. Right now, all she could do was try to remember to breathe. There were two options. Go home, sleep it off, pretend like it never happened. Or, and much scarier, actually _terrifying,_ tell Regina the truth and hope that she would forgive her. Emma knew herself well enough that the guilt would consume her alive if she didn’t tell Regina the truth.

Emma nearly jumped out her skin when her phone vibrated in her back pocket. She squinted to read the text message that popped up.

_Can you come over? I miss you. Want to see you._

Holy fuck, could this really be happening right now? Walled up, time-taking, fearful, cautiously optimistic _Regina_ wanted to see her. Now. Emma leaned against the wall, willing herself to be dreaming, because this nightmare couldn’t possibly be real.

“Looking a little disheveled Swan, everything ok? You were in the ladies room for quite some time,” Robin smirked, disdain evident on his face. Emma said nothing, didn’t even look up at him. If she had, she probably would have attacked him, and in this state, she would be a fish in a barrel.

“Fuck off,” she muttered, barely even registering that he was probably out of earshot by now. Emma stayed up against the wall, her phone in her hand. She had longed for the day, _yearned_ to have Regina feel this way about her, to look at her not as an adversary, but as a means to real, actual happiness. Emma started walking toward Mifflin St, tears streaking her face. She quickly texted back, and shoved her phone back in her pocket. She didn’t notice the chill in the air, didn’t even know if she had worn a jacket to the bar. Didn’t care.

_I’m on my way._


	3. Chapter 3

**SIX MONTHS EARLIER**

 

“This is so boring,” Emma complained, picking at a loop on Regina’s rug. She sat in front of the couch, her legs stretched out on front of her, with an array of paperwork littering the coffee table.

Regina looked up over the rim of her glasses and gave Emma a condescending look. “I’m sorry, I thought you understood that being employed meant that there was actual work involved sometimes. A town can’t run on car chases alone.” Regina organized some of the folders on her desk, ignoring Emma’s huff.

“Can we at least drink?” Emma asked, flashing her best smile. She watched as Regina signed, removing her glasses and pinching the bridge of her nose. Emma felt that familiar flutter in her stomach, but tried to dismiss it as quickly as it came on. She’d always been attracted to Regina, there was never any doubt about _that._ But lately…her mind had been filling with different images. Not only the usual _what would her hair smell like if I was nuzzled against her neck? Do her lips taste like cider? Does she kiss soft and tender or rough and wanting?_ No, lately it was more fleshed out. _What would it be like waking up next to her every morning? Would we take turns dropping Henry off at school? Would she still make me leave my shoes at the door if I actually lived here?_

But these were fantasies, and Emma didn’t delude herself into thinking that Regina had similar thoughts and desires. She had tried to make things work with Hook. She had given it her all (as much as her ‘all’ would allow), but it never really clicked. There was always a niggling in the back of her mind that she was meant for more than contentedness. Hook was easy, wore his emotions on his sleeve, and obviously cared a great deal about her. But it just wasn’t enough.

“If you finish the civil suit updates, I’ll get us some wine,” Regina told her, smirking. “I never imagined I would have to use positive reinforcement to get my sheriff to do her job. You’re such a child.”

“A child that works much better under the influence of alcohol,” Emma said, smiling up at her again. She caught Regina’s eye, holding her gaze. Emma broke it first, shuffling the papers and trying to look efficient. “I don’t know why we have to do this on a Friday night anyway. It’s not like it’s going anywhere. We could just finish on Monday.”

“Like I told you earlier,” Regina said slowly, as if she were talking to a toddler, “If we don’t get caught up now, we won’t be ready for the influx of ordinances next week. Unless you want to work until midnight every night next week, I suggest we focus and finish the tasks at hand.”

Emma rolled her eyes, but tried to concentrate in earnest.

Later, with the fire crackling and the clock edging toward eleven, Emma held up a stack of papers triumphantly. “Done,” she said happily. “Are you almost finished?”

“Almost.” Regina stretched, pulling her arms behind her head. Emma looked away, not wanting to get caught staring at the strained buttons. “I could use a break. Do you want that glass of wine now?”

“Definitely,” Emma agreed, standing and shaking out her stiff legs.

Regina returned from the kitchen carrying two glasses of red. She handed one to Emma sitting on the couch, and then jumped suddenly.

“Ow!” she yelled, lifting her foot in pain. “Emma, you left your damn badge on the floor!”

“Sorry, I didn’t know it came off,” Emma said absently, prodding at her belt buckle. “Let me see it,” she said, motioning for Regina to prop her foot up on Emma’s leg.

“No, it’s fine,” Regina said, waving her off. She winced.

“Give it to me,” Emma demanded, lifting Regina’s leg without waiting for an answer. She took Regina’s foot on her knee, and slowly removed her sock, and shit, when did removing a sock become such an intimate gesture? Emma swallowed hard, trying to focus on what she was doing, instead of the fact that she was sort of undressing Regina, even if it was only a sock. “Ok,” she croaked, “It didn’t break the skin. Just a purplish crater near your heel. Sorry,” she said again. She took her thumb and gently caressed the tender skin, wondering if she was maybe crossing a line or just being nice.

Regina watched her fingers attentively, probably wondering the same thing. Emma noticed that she did not back away, didn’t even flinch. “It’s ok,” Regina said quietly. “It startled me more than anything.”

Determined not to let it get weird, Emma took Regina’s foot and placed it back on the floor. Was Regina a little closer to her than she was a minute ago? Nah, just her imagination. But their knees were nearly touching.

“Ehm,” Emma cleared her throat, before polishing off the last of her wine. She looked up to meet Regina’s eyes, which were staring at her intently. “What?” Emma asked, feeling a rush of adrenaline.

“I don’t know,” Regina said softly, cocking her head.

“You are so beautiful,” Emma said…out loud. Wait, what? She immediately shifted in her chair, trying to figure out a way to take that back, without really taking it back, but without making it awkward. Too late, way too late.

Oddly, Regina didn’t look all that taken aback. She did give Emma a strange smile. “Thank you?”

“I know, that was weird. I’m sorry. I think it was the way the light was hitting you. Not that you’re only beautiful in a certain light, all the time really, but I guess it just came out because it was so obvious. At that moment.” Emma closed her eyes, willing herself to sink into the floorboards.

“Shut up, Emma,” Regina finally said, no hint of malice in her voice. “I can take a compliment. Thank you,” she repeated.  

“Thank you,” Emma said. “I mean, you’re welcome. I should go.”

Before she could stand, Regina placed a hand on her leg, stilling her. “I think you’re beautiful too,” Regina said, not tearing her eyes away from Emma’s. It was a split second, a moment, and Emma knew that if she didn’t take advantage on it, the opportunity may never present itself again.

Emma didn’t need to. Regina leaned over, slid her fingertips beneath Emma’s hair, and pulled her close. Emma closed her eyes on instinct, and felt herself turn to putty as Regina’s lips met hers. It was all that she imagined. More, even. Regina’s lips were soft and delicate, but firm and independent. It was the best possible combination of opposites.

She leaned in closer, wrapping one hand around Regina’s neck, the other around her waist. She parted her lips, inviting Regina to explore her more fully. The invitation was accepted, and Emma felt herself light on fire when Regina’s tongue cautiously made its way into Emma’s mouth. The reaction was visceral, blazing, and Emma allowed her own tongue to find Regina’s, and when it did, she thought this is it, this is how I will die. There were too many emotions, too many feelings, too much raw need and want for a body to handle.

Regina pulled away slowly, gliding her hand along the base of Emma’s neck. Emma wanted to pull her on top of her, to ravish her but reigned herself in. Regina sighed deeply.

“I’ve wanted to do that for a long time,” she said, almost laughing. There was an airy nervousness to her that Emma couldn’t even wrap her mind around, she wanted to crawl out of her skin.

“You have?” Surprised.

“You haven’t?”

“Oh God, I can think of nothing else when I’m around you. I’ve wanted this more than you can imagine…and I want to do it again right now,” Emma smiled, leaning back in to brush Regina’s lips. She was somewhere on a different plane where she was aware of what was happening, but couldn’t _believe_ that it was happening, so she decided to just go with it.

Regina slid even closer, her hands drawing small circles up Emma’s side, inching closer and closer, and Emma actually groaned. Regina smiled against her lips, taking it as an offer to continue. The kiss became harder, filled with swirling tongues and electricity and…magic. Not fairy-tale magic, the earthly kind, and Emma finally decided she knew what heaven was meant to be like.

“We do have to talk about this,” Regina said, in between heaving breaths.

“Shut up,” Emma said, mimicking her words from earlier.

The talk would have to wait.


	4. Chapter 4

 

**5 MONTHS, 8 DAYS EARLIER**

 

“Do you think he knows?” Emma asked, removing her watch and throwing it onto Regina’s vanity.

“I think he knows something. Henry’s no fool; I’m sure he’s picked up on the difference in our demeanor toward one another,” Regina shrugged.

“We should probably have a talk with him sooner than later. We don’t want him to find out his mothers are seeing each other from anyone else,” Emma smiled, placing a hand on Regina’s shoulder.

Regina nodded slowly, unsure. “We will,” she patted Emma’s hand. “Eventually. I told you Emma, we need to go slow. We have so much history between us and with everything that happened with Hook…and Robin, it just makes sense for us to ease into things.”

Rather than get defensive, as she wanted to do, Emma smiled, though it didn’t reach her eyes. Stealing kisses, grabbing hands under the table, putting on a nonchalant façade for everyone in their life; there was a thrill to it, but it was also torture. Emma _wanted_ to be a cliché – scream from the rooftops, kiss Regina in the rain, serenade her with an obsolete boom box. But Regina wanted to move slow, so tantalizingly slow that Emma felt like she might explode. It was worth it, she told herself, _she_ was worth it.

Emma had spent a few nights at the mansion, leaving before Henry got up for school so there wouldn’t be any questions they ( _Regina_ ) weren’t ready to answer. There had been no sex yet – Emma wanted Regina to make the first move in that particular area, to make sure it was something she was ready to do. But the cuddling and waking up together had been its own form of perfection, just right, so _fucking_ right.

Regina removed her earrings and placed them in her jewelry box. She turned to Emma, eyes glassy and wide. “You scare the hell out of me.”

Emma turned, shocked. “Why?”

“The push and pull we’ve had for so long, I think on some level I’ve always known you and I would end up as something more than adversaries. You brought out a side of me that had been dormant for such a long time, I didn’t even know if it existed anymore.” She paused, breathing deeply. “What Robin and I had was…pleasant. He’s a good man, and I certainly could have done worse. With you…nothing is pleasant,” Regina snickered. “You’re fiery, and strong-willed, and put me in my place more often than anyone I’ve ever known. You’re passionate and fierce and when I look at you, I see everything that I need in my life, everything that I know makes me…better. The love you have for Henry, the love we _share_ for him is overwhelming and sometimes I just don’t know how to deal with all of this.” Regina breathed again, and gave a small nod to acknowledge that she was finished.

The silence that hung in the air was not uncomfortable, but the words lingered and if Emma could have reached out and grasped at them, she would have. It was the most open and honest thing Regina had said to her since that night in her study. They had flirted and danced around what was happening between them, both content in the idea that words might fuck things up, and neither of them wanted that. It was easier to just _be_ , and act like everything would just fall into place and it sort of had, but there was still so much that needed to be said, that needed to break through the walls that Emma wanted to dismantle, but didn’t know how, and the walls that Regina needed to cling on to in order to stand upright.

“I…get it,” Emma said softly, stroking Regina’s arm tenderly. “I know you want to take things slowly, and while I would rather just put everything out there and let the cards fall where they fall, I know that’s not really your style. I’m not the most trusting person in the world, and I usually keep my hand pretty close to my vest. But I want this, Regina, I want you, and I’ll do whatever you need me to. I promise, I won’t push you.” Emma pulled her close, hugging Regina tightly to her, hands clasping onto the back of Regina’s neck.

“Thank you, Emma,” Regina breathed, relief palpable. “I don’t know how to love very well.”

“I disagree. You love your son with all you have, and it’s enough Regina. _You’re_ enough.”

 Regina made her way slowly to where Emma was standing, and stood behind her. She gently put her hands on Emma’s shoulders, sending a spark through both of their bodies. Regina pushed her hands forward until they were at Emma’s neckline. Emma closed her eyes and leaned her head backwards so that she was resting on Regina’s shoulder. Regina began unbuttoning Emma’s shirt, slowly and methodically. Emma’s eyes flew open, but she didn’t dare to speak or breathe. In light of their conversation, she grudgingly tried to do the right thing.

“We don’t have to. If you’re not ready,” Emma said, more of a choke than actual speech.

“I’m ready,” Regina purred, voice thick and full of want.

“Have you ever been with…”

“A woman?” Regina asked, still sultry. “Yes.”

Questions swirled through Emma’s mind, though she was aware this was not the time nor the place to have _that_ conversation, although her curiosity was peaked. She closed her eyes again and let Regina continue her tortuous unbuttoning, and when her shirt was completely open, Regina slowly made her way back up to Emma’s shoulders where she pulled it off slowly, letting it pool on the floor.

Emma turned, her eyes wide, and crashed her lips against Regina’s mouth, desperate for more contact, to feel completely meshed with the other woman, as one. Regina had other ideas though, and didn’t respond feverishly, kissing Emma softly and provocatively, running her tongue over Emma’s lips. Emma moaned audibly, her hands grasping at Regina’s waist.

“Patience, dear.” Regina smiled against Emma’s lips, thoroughly enjoying the torment she was inflicting. Emma breathed out deeply, hitched and broken.

Regina found Emma’s earlobe and nibbled it, taking her tongue and tracing it down the length of Emma’s neck, to the top of her breast where her bra remained an obstacle. Regina reached behind her and with a quick flick of her fingers, Emma’s bra fell forward.

“You are stunning,” Regina murmured, letting the bra fall to the floor. Emma couldn’t contain herself any longer. She used shaking fingers to unbutton Regina’s blouse, and since Regina didn’t stop her, Emma quickly shed the hindrance, moving on to Regina’s slacks. With one swift move, Regina’s pants were at her feet. Emma took a step back.

“I…don’t even know what to say right now,” she said, her eyes nearly bulging at the sight of Regina standing there, _waiting_ for _her_ , in matching black lace, a telling smirk on her flawless face.

“Then don’t say anything,” Regina said, grabbing Emma by the shoulders and falling back onto the bed with her, their bodies already slick with heat, sliding against each other, and Emma decided at that moment that she would never, ever recover from this.

Regina made quick work of Emma’s jeans, using her heels to slide them to the floor, so their mouths wouldn’t need to break contact. Their kissing had grown _furious_ , the craving they both felt spilling out into each other. Regina’s undergarments were gone, though Emma didn’t remember removing them, although she certainly could have in this fog of sex, where nothing was tangible and _everything_ was tangible and it didn’t really fucking matter because, Regina was underneath her, naked and ready.

“Touch me,” Regina whispered, her voice so gravelly that Emma thought she might come on the spot, but wouldn’t allow herself that kind of weakness.

Emma latched on to Regina’s neck, sucking and licking, feeling the skin beneath her mouth swelling at her touch. She used the free hand that wasn’t clutching Regina’s neck to run her thumb over the taut peak of Regina’s nipple, and the way Regina cried out, like it felt so good that it hurt, gave Emma the green light to continue her way downward.

Her blonde curls spilled out over Regina’s thighs, and the sight of herself so close to the most intimate part of _Regina Fucking Mills_ took away all of her oxygen, and Emma actually gasped. Regina paid no notice, for which Emma was grateful. She nestled herself between Regina’s thighs, lifting one of Regina’s knees over her shoulder, and placed soft kisses on her thighs, her stomach, until finally moving toward her drenched center. Emma softly ran her tongue up the length of Regina, lost in the dizzying scent of her, and when she reached her clit, Regina sucked in for air and tightly gripped Emma’s hair, nails burying in the back of Emma’s scalp. Emma swirled her tongue in tight circles, holding onto Regina’s crooked thigh like it was grounding her to the earth. “Inside,” she heard Regina moan, and she was happy to oblige. Emma inserted a finger inside of Regina, and continued her circles with complemented ministrations.

“Emma,” Regina nearly yelled, feeling her body hovering closer and closer, and Emma only tightened her grip as she felt Regina come in a thunderous wave, her body nearly folding in half, pushing Emma’s head closer and pulling her away, until she finally fell backward in a heap of aftershocks.

Crawling her way up the length of Regina’s body, Emma let herself lie flat on top of the other woman, kissing her profusely in a mass of sweat and sex and heat.

Regina’s tongue sought out Emma’s frantically, and her manicured nails were doing a number on Emma’s upper back.

In an unusual show of strength, Regina managed to flip them over, so that she was now on top of Emma, who lay beneath her with an astonished smile. Regina returned the smile, and without warning, slipped two fingers into Emma, who immediately arched and squeezed her eyes shut at the cascading pleasure that was overtaking her body.

Regina quirked an eyebrow at Emma, the smirk on her face a permanent fixture. Regina found Emma’s swollen bud with her thumb, adding the slightest bit of pressure. Emma’s body was so receptive to her that her fingers had nearly disappeared. At Emma’s deep, gasping moan, Regina sped up her movements. “Oh yeah?” she asked quietly. “Tell me more.”

That was it. Emma grabbed a fistful of sheet and let herself go, her ragged breath culminating in a strangled cry, a curse-filled string of nonsense, which ended with her arm slung over her face, covering her eyes. And a giggle that she could not contain.

“Something funny?” Regina asked, unable to keep her own chuckle tamed. She sidled up to Emma, gliding her fingers over Emma’s stomach.

“Oh my…fuck…I can’t speak,” Emma laughed, hearty and full. “I could really use a cigarette right now.”

“Do you smoke?” Regina asked quizzically.

“No.”

Regina laughed that time, tucking a sweaty strand of hair behind Emma’s ear. “It would seem that the Savior and the Evil Queen fit well together. What good is light without dark, anyway?” Regina sighed contentedly, though the weight of her words was not lost on Emma.

“You haven’t been the Evil Queen for a long time, Regina. This, who you are now, is far from evil. A little debauched, maybe, but certainly not evil.” Emma drew her up next to her, kissing her temple softly. “I could get used to this,” she whispered, dancing her fingers on Regina’s back.

“As could I, Ms. Swan.”

“Oh shut up, Regina,” Emma smirked, pulling her back on top of her, letting their bodies react to each other again, unwilling to let the night end.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter we go back to the present - immediately following Chapter 1. Thank you for the kudos and comments! :)

**ONE WEEK EARLIER**

 

“I guess I just don’t understand why, after like a week, you and Robin were making out in hallways and professing your great love for each other, but after six months, you and I can’t even go to dinner at my parents?” Emma ran a hand through her hair, frustrated.

Regina sighed. “It’s not exactly as you say it happened with Robin. Everything was imploding; Zelena, Rumple, the new curse, _you_ ,” Regina said pointedly. “And besides, why does that even matter? Look how well that relationship turned out.”

“It matters because I don’t want this to be our dirty little secret. Henry knows, and he’s fine with it. Isn’t he the only one who we really give a damn about?”

“Emma, it’s not our _dirty little secret,_ and you of all people should know that I couldn’t care less what others think of me. I’m just not ready for a grand announcement. I don’t want to be the target of ‘you don’t deserve her’ or ‘how dare you be happy’ stares. It’s one thing to find a soulmate that no one really knows or has any attachment to; it’s a very different thing to be involved with Savior.”

A crash of thunder interrupted their standoff. Emma leaned against the kitchen counter, ankles crossed and arms folded. “You’re a walking contradiction, Regina. You tell me you don’t care what others think, and then tell me you’re not ready for people to judge you about being with the _Savior_ ,” Emma mocked, using air quotes. “I don’t give a shit, why should you?” She sullenly grabbed a beer from the fridge and took a long pull. “I love you. You know that. And even if you’re not ready to say it, or feel like you need more time, it doesn’t change how I feel about you.”

Regina rubbed at her temples. “You told me you weren’t going to pressure me. You know I care for you deeply, Emma. Never doubt that. But I still have a lot to sort out on my own, without being completely enmeshed in someone else.”

“You didn’t seem to have that problem with Robin,” Emma said petulantly. She held up her hands before Regina could respond. “I’m sorry. That was uncalled for.” She made her way over to where Regina was standing, and took her hands. “I’m not trying to ask for more than you can – or are willing –to give. This,” she motioned between the two of them, “just feels so right and so real and I’m afraid to miss out. I’m sorry,” she repeated, kissing Regina on the side of her mouth.

“I know. And I am certain that we will get there eventually, Emma.” Regina looked to the ceiling and breathed deeply. “Maybe we could both use a little space. You could spend some time with your family and your friends, and I can meet with _Archie_ and see if I can work some of this…uncertainty out.” Regina said the cricket’s name with disdain, but he was still the only psychological game in town.

Emma nodded, angrily. “So…you want to take a break?”

“I didn’t say that-“

“No, it’s fine. I’m late for dinner anyway, so I’ll call you…whenever, I guess.” Emma raised her eyebrows and brushed past Regina, heading for the door. She wasn’t sure if Regina would try to stop her, but sadly, she didn’t.

***

“Come on Ma, Grams is pitching a fit about the beef stew getting cold,” Henry said, hurrying his mother into the apartment. Emma gave him a quick hug and hung her jacket on the back of a kitchen chair.

“Sorry, kid. I got held up,” Emma shrugged.

“Didn’t you say you were going to ask Mom to come tonight?”

“Yeah, I did,” Emma sighed. “She can’t make it.”

Henry frowned. His mother was nothing if not rigid in her schedule. He couldn’t imagine what else she could possibly have going on that she couldn’t make _one_ family dinner.

“Where’s Regina?” Snow asked cheerfully, although she made it a point to look at the clock.

“Not coming,” Emma spat, without meaning to. “Sorry. She’s busy.”

“Busy? What is she-“

“She just isn’t coming,” Emma said sharply, walking away.

Snow and Henry shared a look, and silently agreed it would be best to drop it. Emma had been very vague about her relationship with Regina, but it was obvious that their…friendship…had evolved. Talking about it was the last thing Emma felt like doing, so she busied herself in the kitchen setting out glasses and napkins.

“I’m sorry, honey,” Snow said softly, a hand on Emma’s back. “She’ll come around.”

“Really, it’s fine. She’s stubborn, not that that’s news to you.”

Snow nodded, and went back to stirring on the stove.

***

Heart’s _Alone_ blared through the headphones attached to Emma’s ears, and in a singular weak moment, she picked up her phone. It had been days since she had seen or heard from Regina. It was her week with Henry, so she didn’t even have that excuse to call or see the other woman. Her heart ached. Everything had been going so well, at least surfacely, and she felt like it had come to a screeching halt, for reasons she didn’t understand. Was Regina at home missing her too? Maybe this just meant more to Emma, and if that was the case, she was going to have to either cut her losses or be patient and see where they ended up.

She shot off a quick text, and then berated herself for being the one to break the stalemate first, feeling a whole lot like she was still in high school.

_What are you doing?_

**Reading. You?**

_Lying in bed, wallowing in self-pity._

**Always the drama queen.**

_Are we going to talk? See each other? This is weird._

At that, Emma chucked her phone over the side of the bed. Needing time and space, Emma could understand. But why did she have to always be so fucking _ambiguous?_ Being in a relationship with Regina felt a lot like walking a tightrope over a deep ravine – thrilling and exciting, full of energy and exhilaration, but at any moment the rope could snap or balance could fail and the cold oblivion of blackness waited below.

To deny that Emma was in love with her would have been self-flagellation at best. She knew she had no option but to hang on while Regina ultimately decided her fate, because she had no choice.

There was no Plan B, never had been.


	6. Chapter 6

_“Please,” she choked, the 108 on the door blurred beyond recognition. She banged half-heartedly on the door, knowing it wouldn’t open. “I love you. I need you. Regina, please,” Emma begged, unable to stand any longer. She sunk down to her knees, her head resting against the door, tears pooling on the landing below her. “Please,” she said again, without any inclination of what else she could possibly say._

 

**PRESENT DAY**

The morning sun traitorously pored through Emma’s blinds. Her eyes were barely more than slits; puffy and red and tender to the touch. She sat up in her bed, hearing the sounds of her mother and father bustling in the kitchen. The memories of the previous night hit her like a freight train, and she let out a dry sob.

Remembering Ruby pressed up against her, their mouths frenzied, rolled her stomach. There was no legitimate reason she had allowed it to happen, or at least continue. She was drunk, yes, but it was a weak excuse at best. She loved Regina, had been mostly content with their situation, the reluctance and trepidation aside. Emma had to make it up to her in some way, even though there _was_ no way, Regina had to forgive her.

Emma snuck out of her bedroom and into the shower, thankfully unnoticed. She couldn’t deal with the morning pleasantries; not yet. She let the hot water pelt her wanting skin, willing it to wash away her sins, the water tangled with tears. Maybe the bleakness of night had allowed Regina to cool off. To give her a chance to explain, even when there was no explanation.

Dressed and together, Emma made her way to the kitchen. Snow immediately sensed something was wrong and invaded her space instantly.

“What happened?” Snow asked, eyes wide.

“Nothing. Why?” Emma lied.

“You look like you’ve been crying. So what happened?” Snow pressed again.

“I…fucked up. I went out drinking last night and something happened, and I have to try to make it right. That’s all I can say for now, ok?” Emma pleaded, her eyes full of sorrow and desperation.

“O…k.” Snow conceded, even though it was clear she did not want to.

“I’m gonna head to the office for a while,” Emma mumbled, grabbing a banana from the fruit bowl on the counter.

“It’s Saturday,” David said, putting a hand around Snow’s waist. “If you don’t have any plans, come to the farmer’s market with us.”

Emma shook her head. “No, I have a few things I need to catch up on. Really, it’s fine. Have fun, guys,” Emma said, walking away sullenly.

She drove right past the station and toward Mifflin Street. She had no idea how Regina would receive her, but there was no way Emma could just go on with her day with _this_ hanging over her head.

Emma knocked loudly on the door, butterflies flapping in her stomach in the worst way possible. She immediately moved behind the door so Regina wouldn’t be able to see who was standing there and decide not to answer the door.

A second later, the door flung open, and Regina stood there, completely silent. She was dressed impeccably as usual, but her face contained none of the light Emma had grown to love. Emma’s eyes welled up at the sight of her, and she took a step forward.

“No,” Regina said forcefully, and slammed the door. Emma startled, unsure of what she should do next. If she kept knocking, it would just enrage Regina, and that certainly wasn’t Emma’s goal. If she left, it would look like she was admitting defeat. With no other apparent option, Emma sat on Regina’s stoop, head in her hands.

An hour later, Emma realized Regina was not going to change her mind. She wasn’t going to come out, embrace her, and tell her they could get through anything, as long as they had each other. She wasn’t going to chalk it up to a silly drunken encounter. Not that Emma would expect her to, but there was always a little room for hope.

Upstairs, Regina peeked out from behind her billowy curtain, tear-filled eyes watching Emma drive away. _Love is weakness._

***

She showed up at the station, which was nearly a ghost town on a weekend. Storybrooke wasn’t a hotbed of crime, so overstaffing would have been a waste of resources. Emma was glad for the solitude.

She draped her jacket around her chair, something unfamiliar catching her eye in the corner. Emma walked over to it and fell to her knees in front of the pile. It was everything she had left at Regina’s. Everything. Clothes, toothbrush, magazines, even her fucking pencil that she used on crossword puzzles in the Sunday newspaper.

Fuck it, Emma thought, obviously she wasn’t going to be able to concentrate on work. She walked over to Granny’s, not relishing the idea of seeing Ruby, but understanding that she couldn’t avoid the only real diner in Storybrooke. It wasn’t like she was suddenly going to start _cooking_ every meal for herself.

When she walked in, and the tinkling bell above her signaled her entrance, she saw Ruby immediately duck into the kitchen.

Emma sat at the counter, nursing a hot cup of coffee, feeling like she wasn’t even inside of her own body. Ruby finally ventured out, though she refused to make eye contact.

“Hey,” she said softly.

“Hi,” Emma said, picking at her cuticles. The awkwardness knew no bounds.

“So, I’m sorry,” Ruby blurted out. “Last night was really, really screwed up, and I didn’t mean to attack you like that.”

“Like you said, I’m a grown up. You weren’t the only one at fault.” Emma still couldn’t look up.

“Did you…tell her?”

“Yeah. It didn’t go well,” Emma sighed, a bitterness stinging in her tone.

“Is she going to kill me?” Ruby asked, chewing her lip. “I mean, I know she’s changed and all, but I’m sure she is _really_ pissed off at me, and I –“

“No, Ms. Lucas, actually, you do not even exist to me. I have no interest in causing you harm or otherwise. Please prepare my salad to go.” Regina stood behind Emma, her arms folded, looking right past Ruby and into the kitchen.

Emma jumped off of her stool. Regina must have glided in, because they had no idea she was even here.

“Regina, I came over earlier, I need to talk to you,” Emma rushed out, not wanting her words to take too long, for Regina to leave in the middle of her sentence.

“I know you did,” Regina said coolly. “No.” She turned to walk away with her salad, but Emma reached for her coat.

“Please, Regina. I just _need_ to talk to you.” The desperation in Emma’s voice was nearly tangible.

“Frankly, I don’t care _what_ you need.” She tugged her jacket away roughly, and turned to leave, “Do not follow me.”

Emma started to anyway, when she was interrupted by Ruby. “Emma, don’t. She’s not ready.”

Incredulously, Emma turned to stare at Ruby. “Are you _actually_ giving me relationship advice right now?”

Emma turned to see Regina standing outside, looking at her through the window, the pain and betrayal like a film over her brown eyes. She ducked into her Mercedes and drove off.


	7. Chapter 7

For three days, Emma was continually met with a door shutting in her face and a curt ‘no.’ There was never any elaboration; no yelling, no crying, no familiar eye rolling. It was a simple and soul-cutting no.

She had been floating through her waking life in a blur. Even work wasn’t a distraction, and Regina hadn’t been seen in the office for days.

“What did you do?” Henry asked, sitting across from Emma’s desk at the station after school had let out. “She’s been really…sad lately.”

Emma closed her eyes and rubbed her cheek. “It’s really not a conversation I can have with you, kid. It’s grown up stuff…you know – “

“Complicated,” he grumbled, having been down this road before. “Well, whatever you did, I wish you would just say you were sorry. I miss things the way they were. It was nice having you around so much.”

“I’ve been _trying_ to say I’m sorry. It’s not that easy,” Emma started, then held her hand up. “You know what? This is not something you should even be worrying about. We’ll work it out, I promise. One way or another.”

“I feel like I should go back to her house tonight instead of staying with you guys.” Henry shrugged. “Maybe she shouldn’t be alone.”

Emma shook her head. “No, go back to the apartment. I’m going to stop by the house tonight. Maybe we can…figure something out,” Emma mumbled, unsure of how to explain the predicament to Henry without any lurid details.

“Try to fix it, Ma. Tell her you didn’t mean to hurt her feelings, or whatever’s going on. This sucks.”

“Hen-“ Emma was about to tell him to watch his mouth, and then decided against it. “Yeah, it does.”

 

***

 

That night, heart in her throat, Emma made the familiar trek up the front stairs, steeling herself for the cold response. She knocked, with no answer. She knocked louder. Still nothing. Emotion driving her, Emma banged with the side of her fist so loudly, she was certain there would be bruises of evidence later. She didn’t care.

Finally, she saw the hallway light flip on, her breath caught in her throat.

Regina threw open the door, eyes red. “Emma, _what?”_ she said, defenses lying in a crumbled heap.

Emma hadn’t actually expected her to answer. Her words were stuck, unwilling to betray her. She took another breath and tried to be coherent.

“Please talk to me. It’s been days, we _just need to talk_ ,” Emma choked, desperate and fearful.

“I don’t know what you want to talk about. You lied to me, you broke me, and now we move on with our lives. Doesn’t that about sum it up?” Regina asked, her voice an octave higher than usual. Her eyes were glassed, but vacant.

The light in the doorway shone on Regina’s pale complexion, her usually vibrant color washed out. Emma shook her head. “I didn’t lie to you. I told you right after it happened.”

“You lied to me about being patient and working through this and telling me you loved me.”

“ _NO._ ” Emma’s eyes flashed, riddled with agony. “I _do_ love you, and I had a momentary lapse of fucking judgement and it never should have happened and I don’t know _why_ it did. Can I please come in? Please?” Emma was never one to beg, but here she was, a pleading wreck on Regina’s front stairs.

Wordlessly, Regina opened her door wider, extending a silent invitation. Emma pounced on it, brushing past her before she could change her mind.

“I can’t just walk away from you because of something so stupid. I have loved you for so long, Regina. My heart is completely broken –“

Regina cut her off. “I’m sorry you’re so _very_ hurt over this.I asked for a few days to sort some things out, and you go off and fuck the first thing that comes on to you. Please accept my sincerest apologies that you’re going through a _rough time_ right now,” Regina blazed, gripping the counter as though she needed it for balance.

“I didn’t _fuck_ her, it wasn’t as absolute as you’re making it seem. We were incredibly drunk, which you know, and which _I_ know is no excuse, but it was an aberration, and I am so fucking sorry I can’t _breathe._ Please, let me make it up to you,” Emma took a small step closer. Regina took a step back.

“You can’t.” Regina crossed her arms, punctuating her point.

“What do you mean, I can’t? So that’s it? There is _nothing_ that can make you see me as the person I was, just last week? I’m still that person, Regina. There was a flash of temporary insanity, but I love you so fucking much and I don’t know what to do! Do you need to settle the score?” Emma bit, regretting the words the second they fell from her lips.

“ _Settle the score?_ Did you just say that to me? _Settle the fucking score?_ How do you know I haven’t?” Regina barked, raising an angry eyebrow.

“I didn’t mean –“

“I know exactly what you meant. Do you want to know, Emma? Do you want to know that I went to Robin and crawled in his bed and let him _fuck_ me and I came like a _goddam tidal wave_ while he was inside of me? And maybe I did it to hurt you, or to _settle the score_ or maybe I just did it because I _wanted_ to?”

Emma gasped, rage blinding her. She pushed forward, her hands splayed, sending Regina backwards into the refrigerator. Tears spilled from her eyes, unnoticed and disregarded. “ _FUCK YOU,”_ Emma screamed, all sense of reason abandoned. Emma brought her fist down on the granite countertop, shattering her knuckles, blood dripping down her fingertips.

Regina surged forward, knocking Emma to the ground. She fell on top of her, on all fours, with Emma trying to scurry backwards on her elbows.

“No, Emma, fuck _you,”_ she hissed, inches from her face. “I didn’t do that to you because I’m not a _liar_ or a coward or a runaway _weakling_ who bails on someone they supposedly love because things aren’t going _exactly_ as they had planned.”

Emma fell backwards, her head smashing against the floor. The pain didn’t register, but she could feel heaving sobs escaping her throat. “I didn’t bail on you,” she croaked out, barely above a whisper. “I wasn’t thinking clearly, I’m so-“

Her words died in her mouth as Regina angrily brought their mouths together, searching for _something_ , anything that would dull the pain. Emma responded immediately, burying her hands in Regina’s hair, pulling her as close as she could without smothering her. Their tongues collided in a heated frenzy. Regina’s hands worked fast, rolling Emma’s shirt above her bra, unbuttoning her jeans with anguished fervor. Emma was insane with desire and guilt and gratitude and _need_ and flipped Regina over in one swift motion. Regina was now underneath Emma, her hair spread against the kitchen floor, her body splayed like some miserable work of art.

Emma tore at her blouse, sending buttons flying throughout the kitchen, cupping her breast tightly like it was a lifeline. She brought her lips to Regina’s chest, sucking and licking at the exposed skin of her cleavage, savoring every second as though it was her last. She pulled Regina’s pants down to her thighs, allowing her just enough room to slide her fingers into Regina’s wetness, while moving her mouth back to kiss her lips. Regina let out a strangled sob, a cry that was not pleasure, but emotion so full of suffering that Emma jumped back.

Regina pulled herself up, sitting against the wall, her pants disheveled and her torn shirt pulled tightly around her torso. “Please leave, Emma, I can’t,” she pleaded, “I _hate_ you. I hate you _so much_. Please go, I can’t do this.” Regina lowered her head into her hands, gripping harshly at her hair to be certain she was still alive.

Tentatively, Emma reached out to touch her arm, but Regina recoiled as though she felt burned. “No!” she yelled, forcefully this time. “I need you to go.” Emma could see the restraint in her carriage, and knew at once she had lost.

Her shirt still stuck up high on her waist, her jeans still hanging open, Emma grabbed her jacket and pulled the door behind her, the mansion once again bathed in darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just in case it wasn't clear - Regina didn't actually do anything with Robin. She just wanted to royally piss off Emma, in which, she succeeded. :)


	8. Chapter 8

Regina sat in the dark, still melded to the wall. She could still smell Emma lingering the kitchen, could still feel the remnants of her hands roaming her body. She swallowed harshly, her throat thick with emotion and fury. They had been so close. So close to something wonderful, something _real,_ and Emma went and ruined everything in the blink of an eye. Regina let out a bitter laugh-sob, wondering why she had ever thought differently. This was nothing new; she was not meant for happiness.

 

Robin would take her back. Regina was confident that she could have him again; after everything with Marian and his ill-conceived ‘honor code’, she knew he was weak against her advances. But she didn’t want him. If she was going to try to be happy, to get her life in some semblance of order with real feelings and real emotions and real _attachments_ , Robin was not the one she wanted to be tethered to.

 

Emma Fucking Swan. By far the most infuriating but untainted human being that Regina had ever met. She didn’t know malice. She didn’t know cruelty. She knew heartache and loneliness, she knew loyalty and devotion, and Regina felt a bond with her over these cruelties and strengths that she had never experienced with anyone before.

 

But how could she forgive her? Just when every piece was lined up strategically on the chess board, Emma had gone and kicked the whole fucking thing over. What if Regina felt the need to pull away again? She hoped she wouldn’t but there were no guarantees; Regina was nothing if not unpredictable. Did that mean that Emma would bury herself in the first sure thing she could find? Regina couldn’t live with that kind of unease.

 

She also knew she was being severe in her stoicism. Emma was not one to deliberately hurt, and Regina was confident in that notion. It probably _was_ an aberration, something that was unplanned and she _knew_ Emma felt guilty beyond measure.

 

Regina did not want to forgive Emma. She didn’t want look at her with doubt and fear and wonder if she was going to do it again. She didn’t want to kiss her lips and taste the waitress on them, even though she knew Emma was disgusted with herself. But Regina also knew she would be unable to just walk away, _move on,_ like Emma was some short-term mistake that she could laugh about years later.

 

The darkness coated the kitchen like an old friend, and Regina had no interest in getting up. She sat there, very still, with her head in her hands. She began to shiver uncontrollably.

 

***

 

“When was the last time you saw her?” Snow asked, soaking her tea bag at the kitchen table.

 

“Three, no, four nights ago,” Emma answered, eyes heavy and hair unruly.

 

“Do you think she’ll show up tonight?”

“Of course. She wouldn’t miss Henry’s presentation. She’s mad at me, not him.” Emma shrugged, still unsure how her life had swirled so desperately downward in the last few weeks.

 

“Maybe we can all go to Granny’s after? I’m sure if Henry asked her to go, she wouldn’t say no.”

 

“That’s not really fair to do to her, is it? She feels awkward enough as it is with the people in this town. I just added a few more to her list.” Emma flopped her head down on the table, overly dramatic but completely uncaring.

 

Snow sighed heavily. “I’ve never seen you so distraught, Emma. You know Regina and I have had our…differences, but I can see why she won your attention. She’s beautiful, she’s independent, she’s _bad_ , in theory anyway, and I know you like the bad bo…girls.” Snow raised her eyebrows in near excitement.

 

Emma groaned. “Mom, it’s not like that. I’m not sixteen hoping to score a date with a motorcycle chick that will piss off my parents. She’s…a lot more than that.”

 

“I know, _Emma,_ I just meant that on the surface, I can see the attraction.”

 

“Gross.”

 

“You’re being impossible. She will come around eventually, I know she will. You two are too connected for the candle to be blown out so quickly. You _really_ screwed up though. Epically,” Snow nodded, sympathy in her big brown eyes.

 

“Thank you, mother. As if I needed to be reminded of my _epic_ screw up.” Emma stood, pushing her chair in.

 

***

 

The middle school was unusually full, parents milling around waiting for their child to present their report on an assigned country. Henry was given Norway, so before the shit hit the fan, Emma and Regina had ordered a ton of items online to aid him in his presentation. He had wooden shoes, a Norwegian flag, a tube of kaviar, amongst other things. He spotted Emma in the crowd and gave her a half-wave.

 

Emma found a seat in the middle, trying not to seek out Regina, failing. Her eyes repeatedly scanned the room, until she heard the click of heels in the back of the auditorium. Regina took a seat in the last row, her eyes perpetually down.

 

Snow wasn’t having it. She pushed past Emma and made her way toward Regina, startling the other woman.

 

“Come on, Regina, we saved you a seat closer to the stage.”

“Oh, no thank you, I’m fine back here-“

 

Snow grabbed her arm and pulled her up. “Nonsense, Henry will want to know we’re all here for him. Come on.” She forcefully pulled Regina out of her chair and nearly dragged her toward the middle row. She guided her to the seat next to Emma and sat on the other side, so that Regina had no choice but to sit. Rather than make a scene, Regina sat.

 

Emma glared at her mother, hoping beyond hope that Regina didn’t think she had put her up to that little stunt. Snow smiled brightly and covertly gave her a thumbs up.

 

“Hi,” Emma whispered, cautious and a little afraid.

 

“Hello.”

 

“He’s going to be great. I don’t even think he needs his note cards anymore,” Emma said, wincing at the sound of her own small talk.

 

“Yes, of course he’ll be great. We’ve been working on fact memorizing so he can sound natural.”

 

Regina stared straight ahead, and Emma was unsure if she should continue speaking, or just let the silence consume them.

 

She chose the former. “Are you going to be in the office tomorrow? I have a few things I want to run by you, the parks department-“

 

“You can email me any time. Just because I’m not in the office does not mean I’m not working. “

 

That did it. Emma took the hint and turned toward the stage.

 

Once Henry had finished, and the lot of them had stood clapping like buffoons, Regina started to slide her way out of the row. She nodded to Snow and David, and headed toward the door. Emma followed.

 

“Regina, wait.”

 

She didn’t turn, she only stood still, her eyes closed.

 

“Yes, Emma?” Cold, curt.

 

“I’d really like to get together. The last time we tried to talk, it got a little…heated. Can we try again? Please?”

 

“Like I’ve said before, I don’t know what you want to talk about that we haven’t already hashed out.”

Emma’s face fell. This battle was becoming harder and harder to fight, with no movement, forward or backward, from the other party.

 

“Fine,” Regina sighed, resigned. “Come over tomorrow night at eight o’clock.” She turned and hurried toward her car, without glancing back.

 


	9. Chapter 9

“Henry. Henry, wake up, honey,” Regina whispered loudly, rousing him from sleep. She had been up for what seemed like hours, her heavy heart giving no respite. She decided to throw herself into her work and try to think of Emma Swan as little as possible, waiting to see if their late evening rendezvous would provide any much needed clarity.

Henry’s eyes flitted open, his hair a spiked mess. “It’s morning already?” he asked, wiping at his eyes.

“Yes,” Regina nodded, opening his curtains. “Snow and David dropped you off pretty late last night. How was your celebration dinner?”

“Good.” Henry was a man of few words in the early morning.

Going against her better instincts, Regina couldn’t help but ask. “How come…Emma didn’t bring you home last night?”

“I asked her to, but she told me that she was seeing you tonight, and she didn’t want to push it, whatever that means. Are you guys going to get back together tonight?”

Regina opened her mouth, then quickly closed it. She was surprised at Henry’s directness, although she knew with his other mother’s influence she shouldn’t be. “I don’t know, Henry,” she answered honestly.

He sighed. “She’s really, really sorry, Mom. I know I’m just a kid, but I’m not stupid. She misses you just as much as you miss her.”

Regina smiled sadly at her son. “It’s not always that easy. Sometimes, it’s more than-“

“And sometimes it’s not,” he interrupted, not letting her finish. “I’m just saying, Mom. Sometimes it’s not. I have to go brush my teeth,” he announced, and bumbled into the bathroom. Regina watched him go, proud of the young man he was becoming, and saddened by how her relationship with Emma was obviously affecting him.

“Come downstairs, once you’re done. I think you need some waffles this morning,” Regina told him, pulling at her blouse as she made her way down the stairs.

***

Emma sat at her desk, twirling a pencil between her fingertips. She kept stealing glances at the clock, which seemed to be moving backward. Three pm. She heard a door open in the distance, and kept her ears perked to see if she would hear the tell-tale clicking. Nothing. Instead, Ruby entered the station, carrying a brown paper bag.

“Hey Emma,” she said, with a half-grin, a little cautious and a little guarded. “I brought you something,” she told her, holding up the bag.

“Hey Ruby. Thanks.” Emma reached out and took the bag, placing it on her desk.

“So…have you and Regina made up yet?” Ruby asked, taking a seat across from her.

Emma raised her eyebrows, not comfortable speaking about her situation with Ruby. Of the people she had confided in, Ruby was not on the list.

“Come on, Emma,” Ruby pleaded, a hint of annoyance in her voice. “We were good friends, before all of…this…went down. I don’t want things to be awkward between us. It was a mistake, a complete mental break for both of us, and it would really suck if that ruined our friendship. I miss you.”

Emma breathed out heavily, looking down at her desk. “I miss you too, Rubes. But it feels weird now. And no, Regina and I have not made up yet. She is still _so_ pissed at me.”

“Better pissed than indifferent,” Ruby shrugged. “Did you tell her the whole story? That it was me who made the first move, and we were completely hammered? And that I’m super sorry about the whole mess too?”

“Yeah, I told her everything. Nothing helped. If I had just walked away, I’m sure it would have been a different story.”

“Do you want me to talk to her?”

“ _God,_ no. No. That would only make things infinitely…worse. But thank you. You _are_ a good friend, just not when you’re drunk, apparently.”

Ruby scoffed. “Yeah, wouldn’t be the first time someone has told me that. When are you seeing her again?”

“Tonight. I’m going over later on, though I don’t really know what’s going to happen. I can’t stop trying though, you know? I can’t just let it go.”

“Of course not,” Ruby said, shaking her head. “I am confident that you two will work things out. There’s too much at stake not too.”

Emma gave her a sad smile. “From your lips to God’s ears, my friend.”

***

Waving good-bye to Henry, Regina realized how thankful she was that Snow and David were in his life. They provided a good distraction for him, and he loved sleeping over at their apartment. Snow was immediately agreeable when Regina asked if he could spend some time over there, while she and Emma visited in private.

 As eight o’clock slowly descended, Regina found herself fidgeting with her slacks, scrunching her hair, and moving from seat to seat. She really didn’t know why she was so nervous; it certainly wasn’t the first time she and Emma had had a serious conversation in her study. The fire raged, and she set out two wine glasses on the end table near the door.

Down to the minute, Regina heard a light rapping on her door. She inhaled deeply and walked into the foyer.

“Hi,” Emma greeted her with a small smile, holding up a bottle of wine. “I thought we could use a drink tonight.”

Regina nodded, tersely. “I agree with that sentiment wholeheartedly,” she said, gesturing into the study. “You look beautiful.”

Emma was taken aback, but quite pleased. She had worn her usual attire, jeans and a light sweater, but she had taken great care with her curls and her makeup. “Thank you,” she whispered. “So do you.”

Regina smiled tightly, and filled both of the wine glasses. She handed one to Emma and sat cross-legged on the loveseat. Emma joined her, sitting close, but not close enough to touch.

A pregnant silence filled the room. Emma cleared her throat, feeling as though it was her responsibility to break it.

“I’m not even sure what to say anymore, Regina. I can’t say I’m sorry anymore. It just sounds empty and hollow now, even though I am completely sincere. I want to be with you more than anything. I miss you so much, I can’t even see straight. I’ve been living in a fog for weeks, and the only thing I _can_ see with any clarity, is you.” Emma took a long swallow of her wine, hoping the distraction would force the tears back down.

Regina closed her eyes for a long moment. “I know you’re sorry, Emma. I honestly don’t doubt that. But I don’t know how I could ever trust you again. The second things were seemingly out of your control, you acted incredibly stupid and immature. How do I know you won’t always react that way?”

“Because I _won’t._ I know my words seem meaningless, but if nothing else, this little disaster has shown me beyond any doubt, you are _it_ for me. Regina, I love you. I’ve told you that before, but I need you to feel this, to feel me.” Emma placed her wine glass on the table, and sunk to her knees in front of Regina. She took her hand tightly in her own. “I am so fucking filled with love for you, _brimming_ with it, in a way that I have never, ever felt before. If this isn’t _true love_ or _soulmates_ or whatever other treacly sentiments you fairy tale people like to throw around, then I don’t want it.”

Regina looked down at Emma’s face, full of sincerity and sorrow and _longing,_ and damn it, it was the _longing_ that was making Regina crumble inside, every ounce of anger and resentment melting into the green eyes that were so occupied with _longing._

She placed a finger on Emma’s lips, those inviting pink lips that had been her downfall and her demise, her rebirth and her delight. Regina closed her eyes again.


	10. Chapter 10

“Do you remember what I said to you, not so long ago? You scare the hell out of me,” Regina whispered, barely audible.

Emma shifted, still on her knees. She placed her hand over Regina’s, which was cupped around her neck. “I know I do. And I have to tell you, that kind of scares _me,_ because of all the shit you’ve been up against in your life, I’m like…a fleck of dust. An insignificant irritation,” Emma said, smiling softly.

Regina did not move her hand. “You’re not insignificant.”

Emma sighed, dropping her head. “How can I prove to you that I know what I want, understand what I did was incredibly stupid, and that I _won’t_ run when things get messy?”

Rather than answer, Regina joined Emma on the floor, knees touching. She took both of her hands and clasped them tightly. “You can’t prove it. There is no black or white here, Emma. There is no answer, and there is no proof. I have to have faith in you, trust that you know what you want and that you won’t do those things. I wish I could put it on you, but the truth is, right now, it’s on me.”

Tentatively, Emma reached forward and embraced Regina fully, pulling her securely against her body. She could feel Regina melt into her, and as she felt a tsunami of relief wash over her, she let out a broken gasp. The smell of her, the feel of her, in a way that Emma never knew if she would experience again, provided a tangible peace. Emma held Regina tightly, caressing her back, her neck, her hair.

The moment only lasted a minute, but for those sixty seconds, the two women found themselves in an unprecedented haze of simplicity. Regina pulled back, meeting Emma’s eyes with overwhelming emotion. She leaned forward again, brushing their lips, softly, almost asking permission. Emma moved both of her hands up to Regina’s neck in confirmation, deepening the kiss. If climbing into each other was an option, they would have jumped on it.

Regina stood, lifting Emma along with her by her hands. She kissed her again, running her tongue slowly along the expanse of Emma’s lips, creating friction that was barely a tickle. Emma sighed outwardly, unable to keep silent. Emma’s arms fell to Regina’s waist, her hands pressing in on the small of her back. Regina pulled away again, slightly, and lifted the hem of Emma’s sweater. Emma quickly grasped her hands.

“We don’t have to do this now,” she said, her voice thick with passion. “Seriously, I am content to just sit here and hold you. I can’t even begin to tell you how fulfilling this is for me.” Emma brushed Regina’s hair away from her face, and kissed her lightly on the lips.

“I want to. I _need_ to, Emma. I need to feel you on top of me, underneath me, and inside of me,” Regina husked, tears forming in her eyes.

Emma ran her thumb along the upper part of Regina’s cheek.  “Are you sure? I just want you to be–“

Regina grabbed Emma by the back of her head, interrupting her, and drew their lips together with force. No longer cautious, she pulled Emma’s sweater off her in one swift motion. Her bra posed no issue either; it was gone before Emma even realized Regina’s fingers were behind her.

Taking her cue, Emma was no longer hesitant. She made quick work of Regina’s button-down, balling it and tossing it to the side. Her fingers deftly slipped into the waistband of Regina’s pants, pushing just enough to slide them down the length of Regina’s legs. Emma stopped for a moment to look at her, to confirm this was really happening. There was no tinge of humor this time; no informal ceremony of discovery. This was enflamed and fervent and an act of _reckoning_.

Regina stepped out of her slacks, and pulled Emma down on top of her. They were positioned on an area rug in her study, the fire still crackling. Regina spread her legs wide, so Emma could fit easily between them, allowing their chests, their stomachs, their _sex_ to massage against each other in the ultimate display of closeness.

Emma stayed on top of Regina for a long time, claiming her lips again and again. She was desperate to prove she was Regina’s, all of her; Regina was desperate to prove the same thing. Regina fumbled with Emma’s button for about a second before giving up.

“Take these off,” she heaved into Emma’s ear, igniting even further what was already a firestorm. Emma complied, shedding her jeans and everything else in record time. Regina didn’t bother to wait for the romantic reveal either; she removed all that remained of her clothing at the same time. The burning need for skin on skin obliterated any preconceived notions about the gestures that a reunion should possess.

Emma slithered her way back up Regina’s body, moaning at the sensation that their wetness was creating. They were sliding against each other in a fluid motion, there was no restriction or limitation to their movement. Regina grasped Emma’s shoulders, digging her fingernails into the soft flesh. She threw her head back, her vision becoming cloudy and her mind spinning. Emma ignored the pain, dipping her head into Regina’s extended chest, swirling her tongue languidly over each breast, until her teeth found Regina’s nipple. Regina gasped loudly, startling Emma by sitting up so rapidly, nearly pushing her off.

“Are you ok?” Emma asked breathlessly, pushing a sweaty strand of hair out of her face.

Regina nodded, pulling Emma close to her again, still sitting. Regina crooked her knees, pulling Emma’s legs beneath her so they were sitting chest to chest. Regina gripped Emma’s hair, tangling her fingers firmly in the blonde mass, and drew Emma to her. She crushed their lips together, her tongue dancing with Emma’s, before she forcefully guided Emma’s hand to her throbbing sex. Emma groaned at the movement, her finger effortlessly sliding into Regina. Regina whimpered against Emma’s lips, croaking out the word “another” to which Emma obliged. Steadily moving in a pace which she knew would not afford her much time, Regina extended her arm so that her fingers grazed Emma’s opening. Emma slid forward, closing a space that was non-existent, careful not to break the rhythm that was causing Regina such obvious shortness of breath. Regina’s fingers slipped easily into Emma. Emma used her free hand to clutch Regina’s neck, kissing and moaning and breathing all morphed into some unconscious carnal endeavor.

They rocked back and forth, glistening with sweat, the heady scent of sex filling the air around them. Regina inhaled a noisy intake of breath, biting out, “Come with me, Emma,” in a guttural rasp that Emma could not disobey. Emma felt the sensation building in her abdomen, about to take over, when Regina cursed loudly and began kissing her feverishly, orgasm shuddering through every nerve. Before she could finish, Emma felt herself let go, coming and shaking and kissing Regina all at the same time, in some lurid fantasy that couldn’t _possibly_ be taking place in the real world. Every nerve ending was exploding in a firework of color, and Emma truly believed she may have merged entirely with Regina’s physical form before finding herself somewhat grounded again.

When they were both spent, the kissing becoming more affectionate and softer, Regina fell back onto the plush rug. Emma snatched a red fleece blanket off the couch and covered them up. She hoisted herself onto one elbow, tenderly running her fingers over Regina’s exposed arm.

“I love you so much,” Emma told her, not taking her eyes off of Regina’s.

Regina opened her mouth to speak, but instead burst into tears, her throat consumed with unfettered sobs.


	11. Chapter 11

“Whoa,” Emma said softly, sitting up. She kept the blanket wrapped around herself, suddenly feeling modest. “It was too much too soon, wasn’t it?” Sadness filled her eyes.

Regina brought her hands up to her face, covering her eyes. She couldn’t stop the steady flow of tears streaming down her cheeks, but she could make herself feel less vulnerable. “I don’t know. I wanted this, please don’t think that I didn’t. I just didn’t expect to feel so…much. When did I become such an absurd infant about everything?” Regina smiled through her tears, unable to recall a time in her life when her eyes were so constantly betraying her.

“You’re not an infant. I took away your trust, which is the hardest thing for you to give in the first place. I took what we had and I broke it. I just need you to let me fix it,” Emma said, toying with the hem of the blanket.

Regina nodded. “I know. If I can’t get beyond this or move past it, you and I will never work. I can’t live my life waiting for the other shoe to drop, and you can’t live yours in constant guilt.”

A wave of discomfort and fear washed over Emma. “But you think you can, right? Move past it? I’ll deal with my own burdens, please don’t take that on too.”

Sniffling, Regina sat up, still sharing the fleece with Emma. “I hope so,” she said, searching Emma’s eyes for answers that were lost in her own.

“Maybe we just need to…start over? I know it’s cliché and I know it doesn’t really work that way, but maybe if we tried to begin again, we could…look at things with a fresh perspective?” Emma felt like she was reaching, but hopelessness was not an area located in her comfort zone.

“We can try it, if you think that will help.”

“Regina, why are acting so defeated? There is too much here to just say the hell with it, and you know that too, or you would have already. It would have been a lot easier to just walk away.”

“I’m not, Emma. I’m just trying to be realistic. I can’t burst into sobs every time we make love, or brace myself for disaster whenever I see you around town. It’s not fair to either of us.”

“But you said you needed time before, and I didn’t give that to you in the way that you needed it most. You just need time now, right? I’m not pushing at all. I’ll stay away if you need me to. But I need to know that you’re trying, that we can bounce back.”

Regina smiled sadly. “There are a lot of things stacked up against us.”

“Like what?” Emma took a deep breath, trying to wrangle the mixed bag of anger and desperation that was bubbling below the surface.

“I don’t need to rehash this, Emma. You’re the Savior, I’m…not. Everyone loves you, everyone wants a piece of you in some way-“

“Well then, it’s very convenient that I don’t give a _fuck_ about everyone else, isn’t it? We have our son, each other, and that’s plenty.”

“It is, in theory. Will it always be enough?” Regina absently ran her fingers against her bottom lip.

“Yes.”

“You can’t answer that. You have no way of knowing.”

Emma reached out, her fingers lightly rubbing Regina’s bare shoulder. “Just because I’m not a fortune teller doesn’t mean that I can’t know the future. You and Henry are enough for me, Regina. You’re all I’ve ever wanted, since long before I met you. A deeply loving, loyal, challenging, fiery pain in the ass.” Emma laughed. “I’m serious.”

“Emma Swan, when did you become such a romantic? I always assumed you would be awkward in a relationship – remember that cotton candy dress and those saddle shoes you wore on your date with Hook?” Regina shuddered.

“I did not wear saddle shoes!” Emma protested, giving Regina a small push. “Yes, in retrospect that may have been an odd choice. But that was because I was sabotaging the date before it even began. Really, who would wear that on purpose?”

Regina laughed again, reveling in the levity of the moment. “Ok,” she said, confident. “If you want to go out on a ‘date’, then let’s do it.”

Emma broke out into a smile. “This will be really good for us.” She leaned in, placing a hand on the back of Regina’s neck. She pulled her in close for a chaste kiss.

Regina kissed her back, parting her lips to allow greater access. The chaste kiss was not so chaste anymore, and when Emma felt the familiar burning begin, she pulled away.

“You’re a bad influence,” she said, and rolled Regina out of the blanket they were covered with. She draped it across herself like a sheet, and closed her eyes. “I can’t look at your nakedness, it does strange and wonderful things to me,” Emma smiled, holding her hand out toward the wall for dramatic effect. “I’m going to get dressed, go home, and bring our son back home in the morning. I’ll let you know the details of our date when I figure them out.”

Regina cocked an eyebrow, watching Emma flail toward the door, sightless, with the blanket tangled around her feet. “So assertive, Miss Swan. I think I could grow to like this side of you.”

“Just wait, Your Majesty, just wait. You haven’t seen anything yet.”


	12. Chapter 12

Ruby leaned forward, watching Emma text furiously, while scarfing down chicken tenders and fries. There was a still an air of tension between them, maybe there always would be, but time and space were working on easing the awkwardness.

“Who are you texting?” Ruby asked, straightening menus.

Emma swallowed an enormous bite. “A friend of mine in Portland. He’s helping me out with something.”

“Ah. Henry told me you were taking Regina out on some big date tonight?”

“Man, that kid has a big mouth. But yeah, I am. I want to do something special for her, after…everything.” Emma glanced back down at her phone.

“I told you she would come around. I don’t know her all that well, but enough that I know that when she’s in, she’s all in. Just look at the Robin fiasco.”

Emma groaned. “Don’t bring that up, _please._ That’s an image I have no interest in picturing. I still remember the day she came over after seeing him…that _smile_ …I’ll probably never be able to wipe that from my memory.”

“Eh, it was all an illusion. Pixie dust and all that bullshit clouded her vision. You know that.”

“I do, but it’s still like an icepick to the heart to think about.”

Ruby looked up as the bell above the door chimed. Henry.

“Well, if it isn’t the town crier,” Emma chided, tousling his hair as he took a seat next to her.

“What do you mean?” he asked, ordering a hot chocolate.

“You’ve been blabbing all over town about mine and your mom’s date tonight?”

“No I haven’t! I just told Ruby. And Granny. And Belle. Oh, and I think Will.”

“Why??”

Henry shrugged. “I don’t know. Mom made it seem like a big deal. She said you had some surprise planned, and she was all giddy about it. And you know Mom doesn’t _get_ giddy.”

“Oh great,” Emma sighed. “No pressure or anything.”

***

A form-fitting black dress was laid out on Emma’s bed. “Fuck,” she said loudly, burning herself with the curling iron. Now that she knew Regina was expecting some grand gesture, her nerves had all but taken over. Satisfied with her hair and makeup, she put on the dress, grimacing at the second skin. She would have been so much more comfortable in a pair of jeans, but sacrifices and all.

Not long after, Emma pulled up in front of the mansion, her heart beating out of her chest. She had been out with Regina dozens of times, but this felt different. It was almost like her second chance hinged on the outcome of the evening. She knew that was probably untrue, but it didn’t diminish the anxiety that Emma had allowed to take hold.

The door opened slowly as Emma made her way up the stairs to the front door. Regina stood there, in a sleeveless purple dress and simple gold necklace, bathed in shadowed light from the hallway. Emma stopped in her tracks, the corners of her lips turning up slowly. “I am the luckiest fucking person alive,” she breathed out.

Regina demurred, but quickly met her eyes. “Second,” she said softly, overtly appraising Emma from her high heels to her falling curls.

Emma had to literally stop herself from saying ‘aww’, and tried to get her wits back about her. “Are you ready to go?”

“Yes.”

“Any objections to taking your car?” Emma asked. “I’d like to be as inconspicuous as possible tonight.”

Regina cocked her head, but knew better than to ask for an explanation. Emma had been nothing but vague since they had begun talking about their ‘date’. “Of course not. Here,” she said, fishing her keys out of her purse.

Emma held out her hand, which Regina took. They walked to the car holding hands, and Emma felt her nervousness ebb the tiniest bit. Regina seemed to have that effect on her. She opened the car door, and Regina slid into the passenger seat. Emma leaned in and placed a kiss on her temple.

“Thank you for agreeing to this.”

“Thank you for trying so hard.”

It took Emma a minute to gain control of the Mercedes, since it was loaded with so many more gadgets and screens than the Bug. She finally found her footing, and took off toward the town line. Regina found Emma’s hand, and entwined their fingers on her thigh. Emma smiled.

Absently running her thumb over Regina’s hand, Emma pulled into an empty parking lot, next to a copse of trees. The only light illuminated from lampposts, scattered throughout the orchard.

“Grab your jacket,” Emma instructed, pulling her own from the backseat.

“Where are we?” Regina asked, looking around the vacant property.

“I thought you might want to expand your horizons. I know you favor Honeycrisp, but have you ever tried a Fuji, picked right from the branch?” Emma walked toward one of the trees and plucked a ripened apple. She rubbed the fruit against her jacket, and handed it to Regina. “Delicious, I promise.”

“Uh, is this legal?” Regina asked, taking the apple warily.

“Legal is a subjective term,” Emma said thoughtfully. “I’ll leave a buck in their mailbox, swear.”

Emma laid out a blanket on the ground, directly under an especially crowded apple tree. “Looks like Golden Delicious, maybe?”

“Ginger Gold, I think,” Regina said, unable to wipe the smile from her face. She watched as Emma took two salads out of a paper bag (Granny’s, of course) and two wine glasses. She carefully poured the Chablis, not wanting to knock the glass over onto the blanket.

Emma sat on the blanket, her legs stretched out and crossed at the ankles. She preferred cross-legged, but that would have been a feat in the dress she was wearing. She tapped the spot next to her for Regina to join her. Regina sat carefully, her legs splayed to the side. She took a long sip of her wine.

“This is fantastic. Thank you, Emma,” she said, brushing hair away from Emma’s shoulder. Emma leaned forward and kissed her lightly on the lips.

“We’re not done yet,” she teased.

“There’s more?”

“There is.”

Regina smiled again, wondering if she really could move past Emma’s transgression, wondering if she really could be as happy as she felt right now. If this was nothing more than a fluke, than an anomaly, she wished it never to end.

“I’ve never seen an orchard like this before. It’s huge,” Regina commented, eyes raking over the expanse of land.

“We should come here during the day to go apple picking. Henry would love it.”

“Is that a thing people do?”

Emma nodded. “Yeah. It’s a fall thing, everyone goes apple picking, pumpkin picking. The cider donuts are to die for.”

Regina nodded. “I’ll have to find a recipe, since you find them ‘to die for’.”

They finished their salads and wine, conversation easy and flowing. Satisfied that part one of her illustrious plan seemed to be a success, Emma gathered the blanket and dinner remnants and put them in Regina’s trunk.

Once they were settled, Emma pulled out onto the road, heading toward the highway. Regina turned toward her, placing her hand on the back of Emma’s neck, rubbing softly. “Do you want to stay over tonight?” she asked quietly.

“Do you want me to?”

“Yes. I don’t think I could handle it if you went home tonight,” Regina said, her eyes focused and her voice thick.

“Then you don’t have to,” Emma responded, a flutter in her stomach.

They pulled up outside the Portland Museum of Art. The brick building was bathed in soft light, sculpture-like trees lining the outside. Emma got out and opened Regina’s door, ignoring the confusion on her face. “Come on,” she said, walking briskly toward the back of the building.

“It’s closed,” Regina noted, looking up toward the darkened windows. “My _God_ , Emma, is _this_ legal?”

Emma laughed. “Don’t worry. I know a guy. He owed me a favor, and as luck would have it, I needed to cash it in today.”

“You seem to know a lot of ‘guys’.”

“In my old line of work, there were many reasons to know ‘guys’. It came in handy on more than one occasion. Now come on,” Emma told her, punching in a code on the back door. She held the door open and Regina walked in cautiously, her eyes darting around every corner.

“Emma, what about those laser security things that if you walk through, the whole state is alerted to a robbery or you just get vaporized?” Regina clung to Emma’s arm.

“Regina, this isn’t the Louvre. It’s a regular alarm system, and I just entered the deactivation code. Seriously, we’re fine.”

“Ok,” Regina gave in, trying not to let the paranoia ruin the gesture. “I’ve never been to a museum at night. It’s beautiful.” Regina looked around the large entryway, noticing paintings and statues awash in the soft glow of the auxiliary lights.

“Yes it is,” Emma agreed, “But there’s something in particular I want you to see.”

Emma held her hand out, and once again Regina took it. They walked toward the back of the museum, their shoes clicking loudly on the marble floor.

They stopped outside of a rounded room. Emma gestured with her hand for Regina to go first. Regina looked at her again, eyes filled with curiosity.

Regina entered, and immediately gasped. The sign above the exhibit read: _Once Upon a Time: Fairy Tales, Fantasy, and Contemporary Art._

“Is this-“

Emma nodded, signaling for her to go forward. Regina did, a strange smile on her face. She looked bewildered and amazed at the same time.

She first stopped at a replica of a necklace, made up of glass, coral, crystal and freshwater pearls. _Her Majesty’s Necklace,_ the sign read. “Can I touch it?” she whispered, knowing Emma’s answer.

“Of course. Just don’t break anything,” Emma smirked, putting her hand on the small of Regina’s back.

Regina reached over the velvet rope, trailing her finger along the jewelry. “It wasn’t mine,” she remarked, eyes glazed over and her mind far off. “My mother’s.”

Emma didn’t know what to say, so she said nothing and nodded.

Regina moved to the next piece, a detailed sculpture of a mermaid. “Remarkable likeness,” she said, bending for a closer look.

“You know her?”

“Knew of her. _Dowager of the Sea_ was in many of the books I used to read.”

She didn’t want to hurry her, but Emma nudged Regina along until they were standing just below a gigantic painting.

  “What is it you are so eager for me to see, dear?” Regina asked, a playful smile on her lips. Emma turned her around, and for a long moment Regina said nothing.

On a black backdrop, a close-up of a woman filled the foreground. White fur encompassed her shoulders and neck, leaving only her head visible. Her face was pale, her lips were darkened, and her eyes were looking toward the sky. A yellowed tear was falling from her right eye. Her face was filled with cracks, a fractured porcelain doll. Upon her head was a crown of gold, adorned with a rainbow of jewels, resting upon a savannah of black hair.

Regina stared at the portrait, her eyes watery and distant. “It’s me,” she said, her voice no more than a whisper.

“Isn’t she beautiful?” Emma asked, with such reverence that Regina felt a sharp pang in her chest.

“She’s…broken.”

“Not anymore,” Emma said softly, circling Regina’s waist from the back. She rested her head on her shoulder, and kissed her neck softly. “The artist really should work on an updated rendering.”

Regina turned abruptly, and pulled Emma close, capturing her lips in an unbridled kiss. She gripped her hair, clenching tightly. Emma held her firmly, her hands grasping onto Regina’s back, moving lower, lower.

“Let’s go home,” Regina gasped, pulling away only to breathe the words into Emma’s open mouth. “Now.”


	13. Chapter 13

Emma didn’t need to be asked twice. She pulled Regina’s hand, nearly dragging her to the exit. She passed a stone-colored statue of Snow White on the way out, covered with birds and squirrels, and couldn’t help but shake her head. Her life had certainly taken an unexpected turn.

They reached the back door they had come in through, and Emma stopped to quickly punch in the code to re-arm the building. Regina took the halt in their motion as an invitation, and began to kiss Emma’s neck from behind. She glided her fingertips over the pulled fabric covering Emma’s breasts.

“Unhh,” Emma groaned, leaning her head back. “If I had known this would be your reaction, I would have planned a date like this _much_ sooner.”

Regina snickered into her neck, but did not break contact. Emma pulled away gently, grabbing her hand again. She led her outside and into the Mercedes, where she finally was able to take a long look at Regina.

“Christ,” she said quietly, looking into widened pupils and heavy lids and what could only be described as a sneer on Regina’s lips. “What’s gotten into you?”

“I’m grateful,” Regina husked. “You put a lot of effort into making me happy tonight. Thoughtfulness _does_ something to me,” Regina said, cocking an eyebrow.

“Apparently,” Emma smiled, turning the ignition. The car purred out of the parking lot, racing down the highway. There was no time to observe speed limits.

The intensity of her emotions and…other things led Regina’s impatience to take over. While Emma was watching the road, Regina leaned over and ran her tongue along Emma’s collarbone. She walked her fingers up Emma’s thigh, and slid right beneath her dress.

“Fuck, Regina,” Emma groaned, forcing her eyes to stay focused. “You’re going to get us killed.”

Regina paid no mind to Emma’s words. She kept inching higher and higher, until her fingertips were faced with the obstruction of Emma’s silk panties. She brushed her middle finger up and down along the line of Emma’s opening, ignoring Emma’s heavier and heavier breathing.

Once they were nearing Storybrooke, Emma hastily turned the steering wheel and veered the car off onto a shoulder that was abutting the woods. It was dark, and they hadn’t seen a car for miles. She slammed on the brakes, sending a cloud of dirt up behind them.

Emma ripped her seatbelt off and turned to Regina, who had just righted herself in her seat.

“Get over here,” Emma demanded, pushing her seat back as far as it would go.

Regina hesitated, and then did as she was told. She maneuvered herself over the console and found herself in Emma’s lap. Her legs were straddling the blonde’s, and her back was inches from the steering wheel. She looked down into Emma’s eyes, some intoxicating mix of hunger and desire and _need_ staring back at her _._

Before she knew what was happening, Emma fisted a handful of Regina’s hair and pulled her down to her mouth forcefully. There was a lightning bolt of tongue and teeth that flashed between them, but it still wasn’t enough. Emma roughly pushed Regina’s dress up to her waist, leaving her thighs and a shock of lace visible. There was no room for pleasantries, so Emma took one of the bikini cut sides of Regina’s undergarment and fiercely ripped it apart at the seam. Regina gasped, taken aback, but also incredibly turned on. Emma pushed it to the side so that Regina’s sex was fully available to her. With no self-control left, Emma inserted her middle finger into Regina, and pulled her head back down with her free hand. Their mouths could not intertwine enough, could not get close enough for Emma to be satisfied. She moaned with want into Regina’s mouth.

Gliding her hips in rhythm with Emma’s hand, Regina found herself hovering beyond her own limitations. Taking a cue from Emma, and silently pledging to replace it, she tore the front of Emma’s dress from her chest all the way down to her stomach. She used both of her hands to part the material, revealing a glistening, heaving chest.

Emma’s eyes widened in shock, and as she attempted to speak, she found she could not, and a wide grin broke out on her face. Regina raised both of her eyebrows and smirked, but readily returned to the matter at hand. She gripped her fingers softly at the top of each cup of Emma’s bra, using her thumbs to arouse both of her nipples. Without warning, Regina pulled down forcefully, exposing Emma’s skin. Emma inhaled sharply, wondering in earnest how she was going to make it out of this car alive.

They kissed again. The car windows were completely covered in condensation, resembling teenagers at a drive-in. Neither woman noticed or cared.

As Regina continued to lavish attention onto Emma’s breasts, she could feel herself getting closer and closer to the edge as Emma’s hand worked quickly and expertly. Her clit was throbbing painfully, exquisitely, and when Emma finally slowed her movements and identified exactly where she was needed, Regina yelled out in cracked, broken sighs. Emma felt Regina’s body tense up, and as orgasm overtook her, Emma pulled her head in closer, kissing her soft, rough, quick, slow, trying to drink in every single ounce of pleasure and agony that Regina was pouring in to her.

“ _Oh. My. God.”_ Regina breathed, falling in a limp mass onto Emma’s shaking form. “I don’t even-fuck it,” Regina said, pulling the lever on the driver’s side seat, sending them both flying into the lying down position. She pushed Emma as far up as she could go, so that her head was nearly in the backseat. Emma started to sit, but Regina pushed her down, hard, and Emma fell back against the seat. Regina shimmied herself down, so that her knees were on the floor and the back of her neck was pressed against the steering wheel.

“I am going to burst into flames if I can’t taste you _right now_ ,” she said, her voice dark and deep and thick. Without waiting for approval, Regina tugged Emma’s panties down to her knees, and dropped into her lap, hungrily surveying what spoils awaited her.

Emma had no idea how Regina managed to manipulate herself into that position, but the second she felt Regina’s lips press against her stomach, she decided it was none of her business. Emma lifted her arms over her head, grasping onto the edge of the backseat behind her. Regina wasted no time, painting a line from the base of Emma’s opening to the top of her wetness with her flattened tongue. Emma curled her toes beneath her, the rigidity of her range of motion serving to arouse her even more. Regina pressed firmly against Emma’s stomach, her hand demanding possession.

Gripping the seat even tighter, Emma knew she wasn’t going to take long. The clinching in her abdomen and the vertigo had already begun. Regina spread her apart with her thumbs, licking light up and down trails over Emma’s craving clit. Emma suddenly gripped tightly onto Regina’s hair, pulling with force as she came hard in Regina’s mouth, unintentional curses and expletives tumbling past her lips.

When Emma’s shaking had quieted, Regina came up the length of her body, ignoring the stiffness that the undesirable position on the floor had left her with. She kissed her stomach, her chest, her neck, until she finally reached her lips. Emma tittered happily at the taste of herself on Regina’s mouth, and hugged the brunette with ferocity.

“What the hell just happened?” she whispered, nuzzling into Regina’s mussed hair, the scent in the car musky and heavy with sex.

“If I have to explain it dear, we may have a problem.”

“No, no, I just mean that this was…I don’t even know. So intense?”

Regina smiled warmly, pushing Emma’s sweaty hair away from her face. She climbed back over the shifter and sat in her seat, trying to fix her dress. It was so stretched and pulled from her position, that it looked more like a nightgown than eveningwear.

Emma pulled the lever upward, adjusting her seat to the rightful position, and looked down at herself. Her dress was wide open in the front, her bra was half on, and Regina’s ripped panties were sitting in a pool at her feet. She laughed heartily.

“We look like we just survived a tornado.”

Regina laughed along with her. “Maybe we did. Wow,” she smiled again, nodding her head in praise of what they had just accomplished with barely any room to move.

Putting the car back into drive, Emma swerved out onto the road, much more focused than she was before they had stopped.

“So, um, do you still want me to spend the night?” she asked, widening her eyes innocently toward Regina.

Regina laughed again, and put her hand comfortingly on Emma’s exposed thigh.


	14. Chapter 14

They walked to the front door hand-in-hand, completely spent and more than a little giddy after their impromptu stop on the side of the road.

“Do you want a drink first or do you want to head upstairs?” Regina asked, removing her earrings.

“I’m actually pretty tired,” Emma laughed. “Sad, I know.”

Regina shook her head. “I’m right there with you. Come on,” she said, leading the way upstairs.

Wordlessly, they both removed their tattered clothing and got into bed. Emma felt a tugging in her stomach; this was the first time she had been invited into Regina’s bed since the whole incident had destroyed everything. Regina reached over and switched off her lamp, flooding the room with darkness. Emma sidled up behind her, closing her eyes at the intensity and comfort of skin on skin. She began to rub the length of Regina’s thigh up to her side.

“We should probably talk,” Regina said softly.

“About?” Emma asked, feeling a flutter of nerves in her chest. She didn’t stop caressing her.

“What all of this means. What the future holds.”

“Ok,” Emma whispered, nuzzling into Regina’s hair. “I can honestly tell you that I have never been happier. The time I’ve spent with you has been the most fulfilling in my entire life. We’ve had our ups and downs, lots and lots of downs, but every second has been worth it.” Emma took a deep breath. “I never meant to hurt you, Regina. I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t given me a second chance.”

Regina nodded, and Emma heard her swallow hard. She tightened her grip on Regina, pulling her back firmly against her chest.

“I love you, Emma,” Regina said, voice breaking. Emma felt her heart leap into her throat. That was the first time Regina had ever said those words. Emma wanted to say it right back, to scream something, maybe high five her, _anything._ But she was aware enough to know that this was not the time. “I’ve loved you for a lot longer than I care to admit. I want to be with you, I want you in every way possible. Don’t hurt me, Emma. Please. Never again.”

“I won’t,” Emma promised, moving hair out of Regina’s face and feeling wet streaks across her cheek. “I’m not saying we’ll never hurt each other; we will. But I swear to you that I will never, ever do anything so stupid ever again. If I’m feeling distanced, or unloved, or whatever, I’ll talk to you.”

“That’s all I ask. Talk to me. I know I’m not the easiest person to get along with,” Regina scoffed, “But after I blow up at you or use sarcasm to cut you to the bone, I’m actually quite rational.”

Emma laughed softly. “Can you maybe try not to do that? I’d really appreciate it.”

Regina, grasped onto Emma’s hand. “Are we really doing this?”

Kissing the back of Regina’s neck, Emma whispered lightly against her skin. “We really are.”

***

**SIX MONTHS LATER**

“Is that all you’ve got, Miss Swan?” Regina sneered, deftly missing a blow to the head.

Emma raised her sword again, charging at the target of her ire. She looked around, unable to find her. The thick forest provided too much cover. “You can’t hide forever,” she said quietly, lowering her weapon.

“What happened to you two?” Henry asked, looking from mother to mother.

“She thinks she can defeat me,” Regina laughed, traces of Evil Queen evident. “She has no idea what I’m capable of.”

Emma quickly raises her sword once more at the sight of Regina, peering out from behind a boulder. She brings the heavy metal down swiftly, making contact.

“No!” Regina yells, pulling her arm back. It’s too late. She’s wounded. She looks at Emma with a mixture of fear and anger in her eyes. “You tried to kill me,” she said, amazement in her voice.

“And I’ll try again. This time I’ll succeed.” Emma ran forward, her armor clinking loudly. As she raised the sword above her head one last time, Regina smiled coldly as she saw her opportunity. She pulled out her dagger and rammed it into the Savior’s stomach, drawing blood and screams of agony.

Emma fell to the ground, watching in awe as her spirit slowly left her body, ascending upward.

“You killed me.”

“Yup, I did,” Regina laughed, running a hand through her hair and mussing it from the back.

“Ah well, can’t win ‘em all.” Emma smiled at her.

Henry watched his mothers, in shock as they put their game controllers down on the coffee table. “Since when do you two play video games?”

“Since Emma told me I would _never_ beat her at _Combat in the Woods III._ You know I can’t pass up a challenge like that.”

“How long have you been practicing without me?” Emma asked, eyebrow raised. “No way you could have done that first time out.”

Regina touched Emma’s leg sweetly. “I’m just that good.”

Emma laughed and slapped her hand off. “No you’re not.”

“You guys are gross,” Henry said, walking off into the kitchen, shaking his head.

“Come on kid, we’re cute and you know it,” Emma called after him, to the sound of Henry gagging.

Regina stood, taking Emma’s hand to help her up off the couch. “You should probably get going. It’s getting late.”

Emma sighed heavily. “Yeah, I know. I really think you should come with me. Since you and Snow are besties now.”

“We are _not_ ‘besties’,” Regina said, spitting the word with disdain. “I think you actually liked it better when we were at each other’s throats.”

“No, trust me, I didn’t.”

“I told you, I can’t go tonight. I have a lot of work to catch up on.”

“Liar.”

“Think what you will.”

Emma pulled Regina into her, lightly kissing her ear, down her jawline, landing at her neck. “I hope you’ll be finished by the time I get home tonight,” she said, running her tongue along Regina’s throat.

“Mmmm,” Regina moaned, locking her hands at the small of Emma’s back. “I will be. Promise.”

Emma pulled back and kissed her on the lips, lightly at first, until Regina buried her hands in her hair. She pushed forward and took Regina’s bottom lip in her teeth, feeling her stomach catch on fire.

Pushing Emma away, Regina instantly tried to regain her composure. “If you don’t go now, I won’t be able to let you leave.”

“Did you forget that you have a son?” a voice called sullenly from the other room. “And I have ears?”

They giggled softly, remembering their pledge not to scar their son for life. It was proving to be a difficult task.

“Ok,” Emma said, sliding an arm into the sleeve of her red leather jacket. “I’m going. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

Regina stood silently, watching her. Henry came out of the kitchen, an eager look on his face.

“What?” Emma asked, seeing him standing there. Something in her jacket was scratching at her skin. “What the hell?” she asked aloud, reaching in and pulling something sharp out of her jacket. It was a string tied to the tag…with a ring dangling from it.

Emma’s eyes snapped up to Regina, who had watery eyes and a bright smile on her face. Henry stood next to Regina, his eyebrows raised in anticipation. Regina could think of no better way to embark on a second chance at love than through that damned leather jacket.

“Um,” Emma stuttered, eyeing the platinum band with the sparkling diamond. “Is this-“

Regina interrupted. “Marry me?”

There was a brief moment of silence before Emma slid the ring onto her finger and walked over to Regina and Henry, sweeping them both into a tight hug, her face alight with a brilliant smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the comments and the kudos! This story was so much fun to write - heartwrenching at times, but most worthwhile things are. 
> 
> Please follow me on tumblr at http://swans-n-queens.tumblr.com/ for more stories and updates!


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